Bread Crumbs: Breadcrumb 10

We started to seem a real little family in every way. Me, Ace and our two little boys. Though they weren't that little any more... Especially darling Rye started his first growth spurt and became quite some boy. It wouldn't take long now for him to be old enough to start to notice girls and then... No, I'm not thinking of that yet!

Okay, we might be a little out of the ordinary. Ace loved to take his drums to the park, playing whenever the time seemed right to him. Any time, thus.

We were so preoccupied with... whatever we were doing - being a happy, steady couple, I guess - that we just didn't notice something was wrong. Until... I did notice.

Where was Rye? Where the heck was Rye?!

"Do you know where Rye is?" I first asked Ace. Trying to sound casually.

Which soon turned into utter distress.

"Why weren't you watching him? Why didn't you look where he headed off to? You with your stupid hobby. You paid him no attention!"

And Ace took it all in, feeling as guilty as possible. And I was right, of course, wasn't he supposed to be the responsible father?!

Both Ace and I (Tiger on the hip) ran around in desperation, calling out our son's name. Rye, where are you?! For God's sake, where are you?!

Then, about ten minutes later, crossing the park in every direction, I saw Ace standing close to the restrooms, facing me with a smile on his face. Why was he just standing there?

Soon enough I knew why.

"Let's go to the lake."

And there he was. Rye. Having the time of his life. Being outside was what he loved the most. Running around, fishing, as long as it was outside. Sometimes we'd found him staring longingly at the soccer field of the elementary school where he'd go for the first time coming Monday. Where he wasn't allowed to go to yet. At least not on his own, and not when not in school. Wouldn't it be the greatest gift if he'd learn on Monday he not only was allowed to walk onto the soccer field from that moment on, but that he'd even had classes on there. PE, namely.

I wanted to be so angry with my boy. I wanted to tell him how worried I had been. I wanted to punish him. Only a little of course, but discipline would be the best way to...

Anyway, I just ended up saying him he should never wander off on his own without telling us, from now on.

And I guess Ace did a much better job, just huggin the boy and telling him he loved him.

I think from that moment on, I started to pay more conscious attention to my eldest son. And it might just be that my parents' way of raising me, influenced me in raising my own boy.

Which involves some discipline. Discipline when not cleaning the dishes after finishing your meal. Discipline

when eating cake instead of a decent meal. Discipline when not taking out the trash when asked to. Discipline when not being very silent if Tiger was well asleep (of which you should be grateful!).

But just as it had been with myself when I was young, it didn't go that well with Rye.

"Don't tell me what to do! I know what to do. I just don't want to do it!" He was almost talking like an adult. Which made me even angrier at those moments.

"You know he's your little brother, young man, and you should look after him. You are a model to him, so be nice..."

"I'm nothing like a brother to him!" At first I was thinking he was talking about his own behavior, maybe even ready to apologize. Not so. "He just not even wants to be around me. He starts to cry as soon as I come to help you. And all is about him... All! You don't even care about me anymore!"

"That stupid goofy kid, he's taking all the attention!"

"You know that's not true!" I heard myself yelling. Who was I proving what...? I knew he had a point. Lately it had been all about Tiger. But Tiger needed me... He didn't allow anyone near, beside me, so I had to be there. And it might be therefore that I hadn't really noticed what was going on in Rye's life.